When my kids were younger, I often found myself worn down by arguments. I wanted them to have a voice and learn to advocate for themselves, but I also needed the peace of knowing I could set limits without a 20-minute debate over every single decision.
So I tried something new. I taught them to ask a simple question:
👉 “May I negotiate?”
This became our family’s reset button. If they asked, I decided whether negotiation was on the table. If it was, we practiced how to negotiate well and positively. If it wasn’t, they had to accept no and move on.
Here’s what it looked like in practice:
🟢 When negotiation was an option:
Child: “Can I negotiate bedtime?”
Parent: “Yes, you may. What’s your idea?”
Child: “I want to stay up 15 more minutes.”
Parent: “I can do 10. Deal?”
Child: “Deal.”
This gave my kids the chance to practice problem-solving, compromise, and respectful communication.
đź”´ When negotiation wasn’t an option:
Child: “Can I negotiate about brushing my teeth?”
Parent: “No negotiation this time. Brushing teeth is non-negotiable. But I like that you asked respectfully.”
Parent: “No negotiation this time. Brushing teeth is non-negotiable. But I like that you asked respectfully.”
This allowed me to set boundaries while still honoring their voice. They learned that sometimes asking works, and sometimes it doesn’t — and both outcomes are part of life.
Why it matters
Psychologists call these kinds of exchanges executive functioning practice. Every time kids learn to pause, make a case, compromise, or accept no, they’re building brain skills for self-control, flexible thinking, and emotional regulation.
Research even shows that children who practice negotiation are more likely to resist negative peer pressure later on. In other words, the same child who negotiated for 10 extra minutes of TV may grow into the teen who can confidently say no to unsafe choices.
Looking back, I see that teaching my children to negotiate wasn’t about “winning” or “losing” arguments. It was about teaching them:
- How to use their voice wisely
- How to compromise respectfully
- How to accept limits gracefully
And those are skills they’ll need long after they leave home.
✨ Would you let your child negotiate with you? If so, what’s one area you’d make negotiable — and what would you keep non-negotiable?
___________________
Begin Within
and align with the rhythm of nature and self.
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