I’ve always loved the fall equinox, but it became especially meaningful to me after my second baby arrived with the equinox. Since then, the equinox has carried a special resonance — a moment when the air hums with possibility, when energies feel extra powerful and accessible. For me, it’s both a time of celebration and reflection, and a yearly invitation to ground myself in practices that will support me through the darker, quieter months ahead.
The fall equinox is one of nature’s great thresholds: a rare pause when light and dark share the sky in equal measure before the scales tip toward winter. Around the world and throughout history, humans have gathered to honor this balance, weaving together rituals of gratitude, remembrance, and preparation.
Ancient and Global Celebrations
For as long as humans have watched the skies, the equinox has carried deep meaning. Ancient cultures understood that when day and night stood in equal measure, something sacred was unfolding — a moment of balance that invited both gratitude and preparation.
In the British Isles, the Druids marked the equinox within stone circles carefully aligned to the rising and setting sun. These gatherings were more than agricultural calendars; they were rituals of belonging, times to honor the harvest and ready the soul for the darker months ahead. In Greece, the equinox became entwined with the story of Persephone, who descended into the underworld at this time of year. Her myth reflected the cycles of planting and harvest, but also the cycles of the human spirit — times of growth, times of rest, and times of rebirth.
Half a world away, in Japan, Buddhist traditions gave rise to Higan, a festival of remembrance and reflection. Families visited graves, honored their ancestors, and contemplated the symbolic “crossing from one shore to another” — from confusion to clarity, from this life into the next. In Mesoamerica, the builders of Chichén Itzá designed their pyramids so precisely that on equinox evenings, the setting sun cast the shadow of a serpent moving down the temple’s steps. To those who gathered there, the sight was a powerful reminder of transformation and the intimate link between heaven and earth.
Indigenous peoples of North and South America also celebrated the equinox with ceremonies of gratitude. Communities gave thanks for the harvest, offered prayers to the Earth, and marked the turning of the seasons with songs, stories, and offerings. For them, the equinox was never an abstract astronomical event — it was a reminder that life itself depends on cycles of giving and receiving, of growth and release.
Though the languages, rituals, and landscapes differed, what unites all of these traditions is a deep reverence for balance, gratitude, and the cycles of life. Across cultures, the equinox has always been a hinge — a moment to pause, reflect, and realign with the rhythms of the Earth.
The Science of Seasonal Shifts
Today, we might describe the equinox in terms of planetary tilt and circadian rhythms rather than gods or serpents, but science now confirms what our ancestors intuited: these seasonal transitions affect us deeply.
As the days shorten in the Northern Hemisphere, our bodies begin to respond almost immediately. Less daylight means melatonin, the hormone that helps regulate sleep, starts releasing earlier in the evening. For many, this shift brings an urge to slow down, to turn inward, or to rest more. At the same time, diminished sunlight reduces our natural production of serotonin and vitamin D — both of which play important roles in regulating mood and supporting immune health. This is one reason autumn can feel both cozy and contemplative, but also why some people experience dips in energy or emotion as the season unfolds.
Psychologists have found that rituals during times of transition provide a stabilizing effect. Whether those rituals are spiritual ceremonies, family traditions, or simple personal practices, they help us make meaning of change and reduce feelings of uncertainty. Neuroscience backs this up: gratitude practices, which are central to equinox celebrations across cultures, literally reshape neural pathways. They increase activity in brain regions linked with joy and resilience by boosting dopamine and serotonin levels. Similarly, communal gatherings — whether shared meals, ancestor honoring, or seasonal festivals — strengthen social bonds, which research shows are among the most powerful predictors of health and longevity.
Even breath itself connects us to the season. Breathwork with equal inhales and exhales mirrors the balance of day and night, and studies show it helps regulate the autonomic nervous system, lowering stress hormones and creating a felt sense of calm. Seasonal eating, another practice tied to equinox traditions, has also proven benefits. Consuming fruits and vegetables at their peak supports the gut microbiome, which in turn influences everything from immunity to mood regulation.
In short, the equinox is not just a poetic marker of time. It’s a biological and psychological reset point. To align with it — through gratitude, ritual, food, light, or breath — is to give ourselves the same gift our ancestors sought: grounding, balance, and resilience for the season ahead.
Seasonal Practices to Try
The equinox is an invitation to live in rhythm with the Earth, even in small ways. You don’t need ancient temples or sacred fires — just simple, intentional acts.
- Harvest Gratitude
Write down how you have grown and what you have cultivated this year — accomplishments, relationships, lessons. Naming your harvest shifts the brain toward resilience and joy. - Balance Breath
Practice equal breathing: inhale for four counts, exhale for four counts. This calms the nervous system and mirrors the equinox’s balance of light and dark. - Seasonal Nourishment
In the Northern Hemisphere, enjoy grounding foods like squash, apples, and root vegetables. In the Southern Hemisphere, where spring emerges, honor fresh greens and sprouts. Seasonal eating supports the gut microbiome, which plays a crucial role in mood and immunity. - Community and Connection
Share a meal, remember ancestors, or plant bulbs that will bloom in spring. Simple acts of connection strengthen bonds and buffer against stress.
A Ritual to Try at Home
If you’d like to honor this equinox in your own space, here’s a simple practice:
- Prepare Your Space: Light two candles, placing them side by side — one to represent light, one to represent dark.
- Center Yourself: Sit quietly between them, breathing deeply and evenly. Imagine yourself balanced, like the Earth in this moment of stillness.
- Reflect: Ask yourself:
- What am I harvesting from this past season?
- What am I ready to release into the dark?
- What will sustain me through the months ahead?
- Offer Gratitude: Speak or write your harvest and release. If you wish, burn or bury what you are releasing as a symbolic letting go.
- Close with Intention: Extinguish the candles slowly, thanking both the light and the dark for their gifts.
The fall equinox reminds us that balance isn’t a permanent state but a rhythm we return to. It asks us to gather what is ripe, release what is finished, and prepare for the rest that nourishes new beginnings.
Each year this sacred day, with its personal meaning and nature’s wise messages, helps me to feel grounded in the reminder that slowing down is not loss, but life’s natural cycle. And in honoring this moment, we create space for gratitude, balance, and renewal — within ourselves, on our lives and in our communities.
✨ May your equinox harvest be sweet, your balance steady, and your season rich with meaning.
___________________
Begin Within
and align with the rhythm of nature and self.
I grew up with a head full of shoulds.
As a kid, I really believed there were certain ways things were supposed to be done. Eat this way, behave that way, always be polite, always be helpful. It was the invisible rulebook I thought everyone carried around.
But by the time I was seven, I had already lived in three different countries. And guess what? Every time we moved, the rulebook changed.
In one place, it was encouarged to speak up. In another, it was polite to stay quiet. In one, you could be warm and “familiar” even with re;ative strangers; in another, that was considered odd. By the ripe old age of second grade, I’d learned that “shoulds” aren’t universal truths — they’re cultural scripts. Flexible. Conditional. And sometimes, completely contradictory.
Still, I carried plenty of them. The strongest ones came from two places:
- Being nice and kind (I grew up in the Netherlands, where social connection is woven deep into the culture — a beautiful thing, but it can come with pressure to always put others first).
- Efficiency and productivity (also big in Dutch culture and even more so in the USA — not a bad value, but when it turns into “I should always be doing more, faster, better” it’s exhausting).
For years, those shoulds ruled my inner world. And maybe you can relate — maybe you, too, have a mental committee of shoulds that seems to run the show.
Why “Should” Is a Problem
At first, “should” feels like a guide. A little nudge toward being better, kinder, more productive. But under the surface, “should” is heavy. It constricts us, boxes us in, and — according to decades of research in cognitive psychology — it’s harmful. Should, as it turns out, is actually a cognitive distortion.
Cognitive distortions, or thought distortions, are like lenses that color and distort everything we see. They are patterns of thinking that sound convincing but are inaccurate and harmful. Aaron Beck, the father of cognitive therapy, and David Burns, who popularized the concept, both list “should statements” as one of the biggest culprits.
Here’s why:
- “Should” implies failure — that we are not measuring up.
- It creates guilt, which is a lousy motivator for real change. Research on motivation (Deci & Ryan, 2000) shows that intrinsic goals (“I want to”) drive sustainable change, while guilt-based ones (“I should”) sap energy and persistence.
- It blocks acceptance of reality. Instead of meeting life as it is, we argue with what’s happening.
And all that inner pressure isn’t harmless. Studies link chronic self-criticism and perfectionism (often fueled by “shoulds”) with higher rates of depression, anxiety, stress-related illness, and even cardiovascular problems (Dunkley et al., 2003; Frost et al., 1990).
How “Should” Erodes Well-Being Across All Four Wellness Domains
Mind 🧠
When our self-talk is full of shoulds, our brain lives in a loop of inadequacy. Instead of learning, growing, or problem-solving, we’re stuck in judgment. Research on rumination shows that this constant mental replay of “not enough” increases anxiety and depression (Nolen-Hoeksema, 2000).
Body 🏃♀️
The stress of should is physical. Every “I should be thinner, healthier, stronger” spikes cortisol. Chronic cortisol dysregulates our nervous system and weakens immunity. Even our motivation to move or eat well is reduced when framed as “should” rather than “want” (Markland & Tobin, 2004).
Spirit 🌿
“Should” suffocates joy and curiosity. Instead of asking “What lights me up?” we ask “What’s the right thing?” Spiritual practices across traditions — Buddhism, Christianity, Indigenous wisdom — emphasize acceptance and presence.“Should” keeps us locked in judgment instead of awe.
Community 🤝
Interpersonally, “should” is toxic.
- “They should know better.”
- “My partner should do it this way.”
- “Kids should always listen.”
These thoughts breed resentment and distance. Psychologists call this “demand language” — and demand language fuels conflict, while compassionate communication builds connection.
Why Humor Helps
The fact is, when we should on ourselves we effectively sh*^ on ourselves. And, let’s be honest: that never helped anyone do better or feel better! So if you are sick of sh*^ting on yourself then stop shoulding yourself!
I finally (mostly) eliminated the word should from my vocabulary and the difference has been transformative! How did I get there?
Catching the absurdity helps. When I would hear myself say things like “I should have answered that email already,” I’d stop and laugh: “Oh look, I’m shoulding on myself again. Better clean that up before the stink gets realy bad.”
Humor really helps and, truth be told, is more than a coping trick — humor actually shifts the nervous system. Laughter literally lowers stress hormones and releases endorphins. Plus, when something becomes funny it gets easier to notice because it stands out. And, once you begin catching some of the shoulds, it becomes easier to notice them all, giving you a chance to stop them in their tracks. So instead of spiraling deeper into guilt, we can meet “should” with humor and take some of the bad feelings down a notch or two.
How to Begin Evicting “Should”
The first step is awareness. Notice the spark — that tightening in your body or that familiar phrase in your head. “I should…”
Then, get curious: Whose rule is this? Mine? Or some old conditioning I never chose?
Next, reframe:
- Replace “should” with “could” → possibility.
- Or “want” → desire.
- Or simply name what is: “Right now, I’m tired.” That’s acceptance, which research shows is the foundation for resilience.
A Gentle Challenge
This week, I invite you to listen for “should.” Notice where it pops up: in your mind, in your conversations, in the quiet corners of your self-talk. Don’t judge it (that would just be another should). Just notice.
And then, play. Replace it. Reframe it. Laugh at it. Experiment with letting it go.
Because life doesn’t need more shoulds. It needs more compassion, curiosity, and freedom.
If you’d like help evicting “should” from your vocabulary and your nervous system, reach out. This is some of the work I love most — supporting people as they swap judgment for possibility and reclaim their energy.
So let’s stop shoulding on ourselves, together. 🌱
___________________
Begin Within
and align with the rhythm of nature and self.
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