If you’ve ever tried holding a “normal routine” during the holidays, you already know: it’s like trying to keep snow from melting in your hands. Between travel, guests, late nights, and the general chaos of “festive joy,” kids’ nervous systems start throwing off sparks—and, honestly, so do ours.
And this is exactly where soft structure becomes your quiet superpower.
Soft structure is the middle ground between “go with the flow” and “my way or the highway.” It’s flexible, warm, predictable, connective, and—most importantly—regulating. Think of it like a weighted blanket for the nervous system: not restrictive, but supportive enough to keep everyone grounded.
And during the holidays, when routines evaporate? Soft structure becomes the difference between a meltdown-filled week and a season you can actually enjoy.
Let’s break it down.
Why Broken Routines Break Kids Down
Kids rely on predictability the way we rely on coffee: daily, deeply, and not always consciously. Routines give their brains an internal GPS—Oh, I know where we are. I know what’s next.
When schedules dissolve (travel days, late dinners, sleeping in a different bed, cousins everywhere, sugar everywhere…), the nervous system shifts from regulation mode to survival mode.
In survival mode, the brain is scanning for threat, not listening for logic.
That means:
- Faster overwhelm
- Shorter fuse
- Bigger feelings
- More impulsivity
- More meltdowns
- More “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?” moments
Soft structure is what re-teaches the nervous system: You’re safe. Here’s what you can count on.
Soft Structure 101: What It Looks Like in Real Life
Soft structure = something predictable + something connecting + something regulating.
You don’t need color-coded charts or rigid schedules. You just need anchors—small, repeatable touchpoints that help the brain settle.
Some examples:
- “Every morning, we check in with our bodies.”
- “Every afternoon, we take five quiet minutes with a snack and a reset.”
- “Every evening, we do our ‘good + hard’ gratitude ritual.”
- “When things feel wild, we pause to breathe together.”
These are tiny, portable, adaptable practices. They work whether you’re home, at grandma’s, in an airport, or on hour 6 of “why is the GPS doing this to us?”
Soft structure doesn’t prevent big feelings.
But it catches them before they turn into emotional explosions.
Anchors That Process What’s Hard AND Spotlight What’s Good
One of the secrets to resilience is having rituals that make space for both:
what’s challenging and what’s working.
Kids need both sides of that mirror.
During the holidays especially, they’re experiencing:
- excitement + overwhelm
- joy + exhaustion
- gratitude + sensory overload
- new experiences + missing familiar rhythms
Anchors help them name the hard, recognize the good, and stay connected to you through both.
This is exactly why I created the free November Parent-Child Activity: Grit & Gratitude.
It guides you through small, research-backed practices that promote:
- Co-regulation
- Emotional processing
- Connection
- Body-mind awareness
- Confidence
- Nervous system resilience
It’s simple, sweet, and designed for the exact season where routines evaporate and kids need something steady—but gentle—to hold onto.
Soft structure isn’t about controlling behavior.
It’s about supporting the nervous system so behavior doesn’t have to spiral.
Does Soft Structure Really Reduce Emotional Explosions?
Yes! Even- or especially for strong-willed kiddos- this approach does wonders! Soft structure works because it gives the brain:
- Predictability
Predictability decreases threat detection and increases emotional bandwidth. - Connection
Co-regulation is the fastest path out of overwhelm. Kids borrow your nervous system to settle theirs. - Sensory stability
Anchors activate the integration centers of the brain—slowing reactivity and improving emotional processing. - Micro-resets
Repeated small moments of regulation build resilience faster than occasional “big strategies.” - A shared framework
Soft structure reduces power struggles because everyone knows the plan—and the plan is simple.
It’s not about being rigid. It’s about being reliable.
How to Use Soft Structure This Holiday Season
Here’s your cheat sheet:
1. Pick 2–3 anchors. Not 12.
Better to do less, consistently.
2. Keep them simple.
Think: one deep breath together, a nightly rose-thorn-bud ritual, a five-minute sensory reset.
3. Name the anchor out loud.
Kids regulate faster when they know what’s happening and why.
4. Practice before the chaos hits.
A few reps now = fewer battles later.
5. Link it with connection.
Soft structure works because you are the regulating factor.
6. Pair with the free November Grit & Gratitude activity.
It’s already built with soft structure in mind—portable, connecting, grounding, and holiday-proof.
(Haven’t joined yet? Sign up here)
TL;DR
Holiday routines fall apart, and when predictability disappears, kids’ nervous systems go into survival mode — cue bigger feelings, shorter fuses, and more meltdowns.
Soft structure (simple, predictable, connecting anchors) gives kids something steady to hold onto without turning you into the Holiday Drill Sergeant.
Anchors like the free November Parent-Child Grit & Gratitude Activity help kids process what’s hard and notice what’s good — supporting co-regulation, reducing explosions, and helping the whole family stay grounded when everything else feels chaotic.
___________________
Begin Within
and align with the rhythm of nature and self.
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