Pouring my coffee on this crisp October morning, I was reflecting on the absolute rollercoaster that is this month. You know—pumpkins on every porch, candy stockpiles hidden in the pantry, and your kid bouncing off the walls each time they discover the stash. I remember my own strong-willed teens (back when they were pint-sized chaos machines) turning October into a full-blown adventure of overstimulation and meltdowns. Picture me, mid-pumpkin carving, desperately negotiating with a frustrated child over their third costume change.
Sound familiar? If you're nodding, you're not alone. But here's the thing: with the right tools and understanding, transitions like these don't have to derail your whole family. The trick is finding that sweet spot between flexibility and rigidity, so your home feels less like a haunted house of horrors and more like a cozy haven.
Why Balance Matters (And How It Ties to Your Own Regulation)
October is basically a masterclass in transitions—shorter days, holiday hype, school routines shifting—and for our strong-willed kiddos, that can mean a cocktail of excitement, overstimulation, and the kind of rigidity that turns "fun" into a battleground. But here's the essentialist insight from my years of private practice and parenting (and, let's be real, stumbling through it): behavior isn't something to tackle; it's something to understand. Behavior is just communication. Your child might be melting down because they're overwhelmed by all the "extras" (think sensory overload from costumes or sugar rushes), but the real leverage point? It's you. As PPSWC teaches, calm comes first, connection always saves the day.
I've learned this the hard way with my two strong-willed wonders. When I was reactive—rigidly sticking to schedules or flexing too much because I felt badly disappointing them—everything spiraled. But when I regulated myself first (which took quite a bit of learning and practice tbh), I could help them navigate their big feelings without it turning into a power struggle.
The key is balance: too much rigidity (like enforcing every rule to a T) shuts down creativity, communication, and fun, while too much flexibility (responding to their every emotion) leads to insecurity and chaos. Think of it as a see-saw—your job is to gently guide it back to center, modeling that psychological safety we all crave. By validating their excitement without condoning out-of-control behavior, you're teaching them that feelings are okay, but we can handle them together. It's not about perfection; it's about progress, one reset at a time.
Steps to Bring Balance Home: Simple, Actionable Practices
Okay, let's get practical. You don't need another overwhelming list—just a few micro-practices to weave into your October routine. Remember, we're parenting the child we have, not the one in the parenting books. Start small, with empathy as your guide.
1. Spot the Triggers Early (Your Calm Reset Map in Action): Begin by identifying what amps up the overstimulation. Is it the constant doorbell rings from trick-or-treaters, or the excitement of costume changes? For example, if transitions like leaving a party trigger meltdowns, plan a 5-minute "buffer" activity, like a quiet walk or a deep-breathing game. Pro tip: Lead by example—pause and take your own deep breath first. It’s wryly amazing how your calm can diffuse their storm.
2. Build in Flexible Structure: Strike that balance by creating a loose daily "anchor" routine. For instance, designate a "calm corner" in your home with soft blankets and a favorite book, but keep it flexible enough for spontaneity. If your child is buzzing with excitement (hello, Halloween!), validate it: "I see you're super pumped about that costume—it's awesome! Let's take a quick break to recharge so we can enjoy it even more." This isn't about controlling them; it's about giving them tools to regulate, like a 2-minute "excitement exhale" exercise (breathe in for 4 counts, out for 6). Bonus: It's scientifically backed— attachment theory shows that co-regulation strengthens connection.
3. Reframe and Reconnect: When rigidity creeps in (e.g., your child insists on wearing the same outfit every day), gently disrupt with curiosity. Say something like, "Hmm, I notice you're holding on tight to that idea—maybe it's helping you feel safe amid all this change? Let's try something new and see how it goes." Follow up with a connection script: share a quick story from your own childhood mishaps to lighten the mood. Humor helps—think dry wit, not sarcasm. End with a small win, like choosing one flexible option together, to shift the focus from battle to bond.
These steps aren't about overhauling your life; they're about making October transitions manageable, one breath at a time.
Time for Reflection: What's Your Balance Barometer?
Here's where the magic happens—pausing to reflect creates that safe space for growth. Grab your journal and ask yourself: What transitions in October trigger my own rigidity or flexibility? Am I modeling calm, or am I getting swept up in the excitement too? Think about a recent moment: How did your reaction affect your child's behavior? No judgment here—just gentle curiosity. Remember, as PPSWC emphasizes, we're all doing the best we can with the skills we have. This reflection isn't about guilt; it's about gathering info to level up.
Next Step
As October winds down (and we inch toward that inevitable sugar crash), imagine your home as a nest—warm, grounded, and ready for whatever comes next. You've got this, because when you focus on your regulation and connection, those strong-willed sparks turn into strengths. If you're ready to dive deeper, stay tuned for our "Calm & Connected Parenting" course, where I share more tools like the Button Tracker and Connection Scripts. It's designed for parents just like you, with simple, iterable practices to transform the daily battles.
Ready to reclaim some peace? Head to the link below for a free micro-challenge for October resets. No pressure—just an invitation to reflect and grow.
PPSWC Micro-Challenge: https://beginintegrativewellness.com/landing/ppswc-micro-challenge
I explore the contrast between rigidity and flexibility, highlighting how rigid mindsets can lead to stress and limit growth, while flexible thinking fosters resilience and adaptability.
I offer practical tips for nurturing flexibility, which includes embracing change, practicing mindfulness, and encouraging open-mindedness.
By shifting from rigidity to flexibility, we can improve our relationships, problem-solving abilities, and overall well-being.
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Begin Within
and align with the rhythm of nature and self.
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